As far as I can remember, since the start of it all, education has never been that big a thrill to me. The whole idea of 'getting to know stuff' never created a thrill in my mind. I tried hard, I mean real hard to find my way through life with knowing as little and being as much happy as I could with that.
My problems compounded due to the reason that if at all I ever put my mind to knowing or doing something, I tried to pursue perfection like a fanatic, and that Utopian ideal not getting realised, I gave up too soon every time I tried.
I clearly remember my days in kindergarten when we were supposed to draw a neat mango on a slate, just like the one in the book. And to put that book mango on my slate, I got maddened to the level that I was drawing mangoes in air for days and weeks after that. Scars don't heal that easy they say.
But slowly growing older and wiser I figured a way out- that of the escapist. I have the memory of my class 10th science viva, which amounted to 30 percent of our total in the subject, so we were all shaky and nervous to give our best. When my turn came, after a few hackneyed preliminaries, the invigilator tried to test my common sense. He gave me a drawing of the prism and mind you, a tilted prism- not like the good one in those damn science books, and told me to draw the VIBGYOR lines. And I still congratulate myself to this day for the cheap shot I played. I looked at the piece of paper, the prism all tilted to confuse my sense of up and down, so I rotated the bloody paper to make the prism look just like it did in books. And lo! he had his VIBGYOR in next 12 seconds . He was laughing, I was smiling- it ended well. That was science to me. But you know what I did has a fancy name- Active rotation is what I did for my 25 solid marks back then.
But this escapist business many a times saved my ass in classrooms even in my post graduate days. I remember sitting in those Stat Mech classes trying hard not to listen even to a single sentence lest my game of tic tac toe be disturbed ( some diligence I say ), when I would figure that me and my other sincere friend were being noticed for the attention we were doling out. It was in such moments that my rotten subconscious would come up with a question to the performer " Sir,.... why have you taken only a first order perturbation in this formalism ?" . Now this enraged the friend and mildly amused the teacher, probably thinking his theatrics were paying off, allowing me to return to my game or other such commitments in those class hours.
But sometimes you cannot escape. And the best way is to surrender and pray to the heavens. One of my good friends and senior told me one such incident when he was discussing combustion with his advisor. The advisor asked him a direct question " What happens in combustion? " to which the guy gave an honest answer " Raakh banti hai Sir..".
Now this ladies and gentlemen is honesty. Sheer blatant academic innocence which can result in a cardiac arrest or mild depression for the Questioner, but for what its worth as he tells me, the gentleman humoured him with another question, " Haan ...magar raakh kya hoti hai ? ". Beyond this I dont remember what he told, but I guess you get the drift.
So, if I have to speak for myself, learning has in most parts meant a resource for me. It allowed me to assimilate in my being a little sense of dignity, a lot of jargon, and a pseudo-intellectual craftiness which allows you to be a part of the bigger racket, without which one might feel lost, or who knows, one already is.
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